Thursday, April 15, 2010

a mole ate my line

i guess this is the new form of "the dog ate my homework." a mole really did eat my internet connection. i am back up and running now, but of course life has been turned upside down.

when we first started looking into surrogacy i imagined that once we got to the actual pregnancy, that each day would be torture. was i ever wrong! there is a reason that nature gives you morning sickness, because without it the crazy cleaning sickness strikes. i am not complaining, i have gotten so much done, but there is still so much to do.

the second trimester is here and it feels like our first BETA was yesterday. for some reason it seems like all these years of waiting should have slowed down this part as well. maybe this is because i am not there to experience every day's ups and downs. this does not mean that life is blissful ignorance. sabrina and i talk at least once a week so i know everything that is happening. i am so lucky that i really have no worries about anything pregnancy related, because i know that sabrina is taking perfect care of cletus and i also know that sabrina will tell me any and everything that is happening.

we are going to our first huge family thing next weekend. the husband's grandmother is turning 100, so we are making the trip up north. i adore my husband's family, they are all really wonderful, but we do not have a ton of contact with them or at least not as much as we do with my family. i am nervous about the whole thing, not that i for one second think that anyone would say anything out of line, but because this is a bit out of my comfort zone. everyone knows that cletus is being carried by a surrogate and some of them may or may not know that we are using an egg donor. talking about all of this does not bother me in the least, i have always tried to be an open book about the process.

this is just going to be very different from dealing with my family. no one gets into my family the "old fashioned" way. we prefer to use alternative methods to achieve parenthood, or at least nature has decided that we should. our conversations at family gatherings sound like an RE convention. i am not expecting our situation to be the center of conversation, really i expect that it will be a small side note.

it is just a little out of my comfort zone. i will be the first to admit that we are extremely fortunate that everyone in our lives has been so incredibly supportive. this is rarely, if ever, the case with people who create their families through surrogacy. i know that my husband's family will be no different. the anxiety will stay until the whole thing is over and it turns out to be such a minor thing. it is just that i know the more people we tell the more times we open ourselves up for stupid comments. thankfully, some of the people who have stumbled over here have taught me that those comments come only from a lack of education on a subject that i really wish no one ever had to learn about.

12 comments:

Valery said...

ooh, family weekends! I just survived two. Last weekend was in honor of my grandmother who would have been 99. On the day I was wearing a bright blue dress of hers that she wore to my mothers wedding. But with so many people the issue of my infertility didn't come up at all. (I guess it's different for me having no news for over a year now)
Hope you enjoy the festivities.
hugs.

April said...

Family weekends can be a trial. I'm hoping yours goes smoothly and before you know it you'll be introducing Cletus to everyone and it'll be wonderful!

Michelle said...

So glad to hear everything is going well. And I'm sure your house is Spotless!
Hoping the family weekend goes by without too many ignorant comments.

Kelli said...

Your post title cracked me up. :) That happened to us once but it was an armadillo. Yes, really...an armadillo. Who does that happen to?

So glad to hear that Cletus (and Sabrina, of course) are doing well. You and they are in my prayers daily. We just had a family weekend ourselves...and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had played it up to be in my head. Hope the same can be said for you. :)

Oh, and send some of that cleaning energy my way, will you? I'm a little like a (great big, huge) bump on a log these days.... :)

Crossed Fingers said...

I think it's amazing how many different ways a family can expand and grow - none of them "lesser" than the other. I hope you don't have to face that with DH family at all. It's so exciting to read your journey - I'm glad you're back! I've been wondering about you and how things were going.

Kristin said...

I am so glad it is going smoothly and that your family has been supportive. I sure hope it continues that way.

jnbjourney said...

I completely understand! Through every step of our (very unconventional) adoption process we have had support from some and odd questions from others, and always the dreaded Why. I try my best to educate and explain in a nice way, but sometimes it gets very hard. Hang in there girl, things will work out exactly they way they should!

FET Accompli said...

I am glad that things are going well, and totally get how going to this family function makes you feel uncomfortable. It's true, people do make dumb, thoughtless comments. But most people will probably be thrilled for you - that is actually what most surprised me - how happy people were for me. It was actually kind of nice!

Gabby said...

have fun at your family weekend! i am so excitd for you to be int he second trimester. you better start shopping now - it starts to really go by fast now!!!

Beautiful Mess said...

I hope your weekend went well. I am so glad you aren't going crazy waiting for Cletus. Of course Sabrina is taking good care of your lil baby.
*HUGS*

Alice said...

It is really good to find your blog. I'm in England we are hoping to have a surrogate baby (in America). I'm really worried about the reactions we're going to get. I don't feel like I can cope with any negative comments. I really want to read more so I know what to expect. Recommendations of other blogs would be much appreciated. Alice

Louise-in-the-middle said...

Good luck at your family thing! I know what you mean!
Our business is out all over little Sweden! We got stuck in Madrid on a short vacation when the ash cloud swept in over Europe. One of our larger newspapers asked online for stories about people stranded by the airline mess, I replied and sent them a picture... Abra-kadabra and we had our picture in a national paper and was the topliner of their internet issue...
Again, good luck!