Adventures in Insurance

Have I mentioned how much I hate relying on others to do things for me? This is the control freak in me coming out. I know, not very conducive to the whole surrogacy experience. Good thing that I recognize this and have informed Sabrina that she has my full permission to slap me upside the head if I pull the whole controlling crazy lady act on her. It is also good that most of the insanity I manage to keep to myself, which I think is part of the reason that I never considered myself a control freak. I mean are you really a control freak if you do not make others suffer along with you?
So now we are caught in the most sadistic game of “Mother May I” that anyone has ever played. You know the game, we used to play as kids, where you would make your friends do insane things just so they could boss others around too, the one where if you forgot to say “Mother May I” you had to go back to the start. Really it was just a game to torture the hyper kids, and show everyone who your bestest friend was, or at least make others try to promise you that you could be their best friend if you would only let them win. Well now I am playing the adult version. This time I am waiting on doctors, lawyers, this specialist and that specialist. Nothing that I do is going to make any of this go faster.
Then there is the whole take a tiny step forward and take 6 giant leaps back. We just found out that our insurance is not going to cover the baby while they are out of state. Sabrina is not going to come here to give birth, she has a life you know. So now I have the fun task of trying to figure out how to get the munchkin covered. Easier said than done. The first hurdle is trying to get people to understand that you are calling about a child that has not been conceived. After they quit laughing in your face, you then have to convince them that you are not insane. Some of these insurance people are real pains to deal with.
Here is a sample conversation:
Yes, I know that it seems way too early to be talking about this Mr./Ms. Insurance Person, but you have to understand that I am a newly diagnosed control freak.
NO, there is no code for that, I am not requesting treatment for myself, I just want to find out about covering a child that may or may not be born a year or so from now.
NO, not an elephant, a human child.
YES, I know that it only takes 9 months to make one of those, I refer you back to the start of this conversation, you are dealing with a C-O-N-T-R-O-L F-R-E-A-K.
EXCUSE ME, I do not need everyone in your call center laughing at me, could you please take me off the speaker phone?
YES, I understand that no one is going to believe this one. That is your fault for not being a more credible person.
Somewhere in all this they do manage to pull it together long enough to actually give me some information. Like I said this is just an example, and has been infused with humor. Most of the time I am talking to an idiot who just passes me on to the idiot supervisor after I get them confused enough. I know that we will get this worked out, I just wish I could find one person with half a brain to speak with.