Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Standing Outside the Pain

Here it is again that suffocating feeling, watching someone you would move the world for slipping into a hole. Wanting to join them there because it is comfortable, being that far down that is familiar. Knowing that jumping into the hole only makes the hole deeper. It all happens out of love, a love that on the right day could re-align the solar system.

Instead of jumping in, I am going to throw a rope and start pulling. Believing that not letting go will work, fighting for them with all the strength that comes from standing on the sidelines. It is painful knowing that my strength cannot be transferred. Knowing where this road leads if love and strength is not enough. We started in a place so far in the hole for so long they were the strength that pulled me through and now the table has turned. Now I am the one who must plant my feet and pull.

Today I stand in awe of how fast watching someone you love suffer can make everything else seem so petty. Yesterday my problems were all encompassing; nothing could have hurt so deeply than walking through life without a child, today it is simply a small blister that will become a callous. Life can change so quickly when someone you love is in pain.

16 comments:

Cyn said...

Keep your head above the water! I will keep you in my thoughts!

Cara said...

Hold on to the tow-rope! Tightly!

We love you!

Elizabeth said...

Thinking of you. Sometimes it's nice to know you can still empathize with others in pain.

corine said...

'my strength cannot be transferred' you say. But maybe it does, just a little bit.

nh said...

Sometimes pain is easier to bear when you look around you and react to others pain. It doesn't lessen suffering but helps you survive. Make sure you hold that rope tight.

(ICLW)

Alicia said...

((((Hugs)))) My thoughts and prayers are with you.

bendingbackwards said...

HUGS! I am sending you positive thoughts and many prayers.

ICLW.

Jenn said...

*hugs*
(ICLW)

Mary said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. (ICLW) ((hugs))

momofonefornow said...

over from iclw

Wow, that sounds as if you are dealing with something huge. I will be praying for you.

Kristin said...

Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers for strength. Hold on tight.

ICLW

KandiB said...

This person, whom you are literally pulling for, must need you and is lucky to have you. Hold on tightly for them, and for yourself.
ICLW

Amy said...

You'll be in my prayers.

ICLW

Andrea said...

I admire your strength for those you love. Hang in there. ((HUGS))

ICLW.

nancy said...

Hey Jaymee. I'm here from ICLW, but I've been reading your blog before this month's list.

It's been a week since this post and I am thinking of both of you. I sure hope you are getting somewhere with your plan of pulling.

Michelle said...

You have amazing strength. Keep pulling that rope. Sending you lots of hugs!