Friday, February 5, 2010

How I lost the ability to count!

I promised you the transfer house of horrors story.

The day before the transfer I called the clinic to confirm our appointment. At that time I went over what our wishes were. What I thought was a very clear conversation that was understood, I was so very wrong.

We, Sabrina and I, get to the transfer on time which was no easy feat in the pouring rain. Thankfully, the hospital has valet parking, of course I think that the grocery store should have valet parking but that is another story entirely. Everything is going well. Sabrina got all geared up. Embryologist comes into talk with us, and this is where I should have known something was up. She shows me two pictures of very adorable embies. I do not want to know the gender until maybe 20 weeks and I am seriously considering waiting till birth.

We go back to the transfer room. Sabrina gets all strapped in, lights are turned down, and the doc calls for the embies, as in plural. To tell you the truth I did not even really hear him. Sabrina turns to me and asks if we are transferring two. Since this whole adventure began the husband and I have been fanatical about only transferring one at a time. It is something that we feel very strongly about, our lives and personalities are just better suited to parenting one child.

After some prodding I ask if they are aware that we are only transferring one embryo, open flood gates of misery. The doctor stands up and walks over to me, all 6 foot plus of him while I am sitting on a tiny surgical stool, and starts talking about lower percentages of success with just one, blah, blah blah. The problem was that he did not stop there, he asked five times, in five ways, to get me to agree to both embies. Not only was I willing to do two, but I could not have made that decision even if I did want to transfer both. The husband was almost a thousand miles away and unreachable that the time. How many children we purposefully have is not a decision that I could make without consulting with him. Finally, I just said we are only doing only one in a big girl voice that made him stop pestering me or at least I thought.

The embryologist finished prepping the single embryo and brought it into the room. At this point I was just elated to be almost finished with the whole thing and just get out of there. “You do realize that there is only a 30% chance of this working. I really hope this one works for you,” all said with the most condescending bordering on accusatory voice coming out of the doctor’s mouth. Basically, he was making sure that I understand that if this transfer did not take I was fully to blame. I wanted to scream and run out the room after stomping on his foot, but I decided to be a normal person and just wait. After the transfer no words were spoken to us by the doc, which was fine with me.

The more I have thought about the situation the angrier I get, which is very rare for me. 99.9% of the time things bother me for a day and then I am over it or at least very close to being over the situation. Not this time, because there are some very fundamental things wrong with this whole situation that could have had serious consequences for not only my family’s life but also Sabrina and her family. The responsibility that I feel for Sabrina and her family is overwhelming at times. Pregnancy is risky, we all know this, but when that risk is being taken on by someone who only wants to see you happily become a family it creates a need to do everything to reduce any risks. As a mother your first priority is the safety of your child, as an intended mother my first priority is to the woman who is giving our family the chance to grow.

In the eye of this fury hurricane I lost my ability to count. So if you have made it this far you get to hear the real news. Because our BETA would fall on a Sunday the nurse agreed to give us an order for a BETA today. At 8dp5dt our number is a 71!!!! Next BETA Monday!

19 comments:

Saige said...

How seriously unprofessional! The choice doesn't and never did belong to the doctor. This is YOUR cycle and YOUR life. These decision affect YOU, not HIM. I am totally angry on your behalf. What an @$$ hat! I understand his wanting to let you know about the chances, but to be a completely jerk the way he was is totally unacceptable.

All jerks aside, I am praying that the one you did transfer is all nestled in and happily growing. I can't wait to hear what the next beta number is! I've got my fingers crossed and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

jenicini said...

Holy smokes! You've got a good beta! Cheering and doing silly herkie jumps from my cheerleading days! Okay, not really, but in my head I am!

Secondly, if only the good old doc cared more about you and your family than his stats. Sigh. I hope you still give him what for.

I can't wait to hear the next number!

GeekByMarriage said...

I'm sorry but that doc was a Grade A a**hole!
Saw the tests over at Sabrina's!
What a beautiful number!!

Kristin said...

Huge congrats on the wonderful beta#,

That doc is a full-blown ass clown and I would seriously consider reporting his unprofessional behavior. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

yvy24 said...

Absolutely disgusting behaviour on the part of the doc :(

..

But eeeeeeekkkK!!! So very excited for your +++. CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS!

Cyn said...

Holy Crap!! That's a pretty darn good beta for only transferring 'gasp' 1!! Good for you sticking to your guns!!

Michelle said...

How terrible, what a nightmare!! That is so unfair of him to try to pressure you to transfer more.
But an awesome beta number!!!

Expectant Duck said...

First, congrats that is a fabulous number.
Second, wow that doctor/clinic totally unprofessional, I know several women who has done elective single embryo transfers (and have had good restuls) and once should have been enough - you did not need to hear that you chances were lower and that it would all be your fault. puh-lease - you need to complain.

The transfer should just be totally positive and that's it, right? We never heard or asked about our chances at tranfer, and the only feedback we got was from the doctor and the nurses who all told us that they "had a great feeling about this" ye know setting us up for a positive result (which it was).
Sorry, long rant.

That is SUCH a great number!!!!! YEA!!!!!

Rachael said...

That RE is quite the jerk, I am sorry you had to deal with that, but you guys and that sweet little embie have showed him!! Congratulations to the mommy and daddy!

Circus Princess said...

I was growling and steaming all the way to the end of your post. When I read your BETA numbers I can't help but just smile. Congratulations girlie!

corine said...

Numbers are good!

To corner you in the room, like this, with all the pressure and emotions of the moment, that is basically criminal! Good for you for holding your own. Doctors pressured us too, but never in the room.

Stacy said...

CONGRATULATIONS!! So very happy for all of you.

Allison said...

Yuck, that doctor sounds like a butthead!

But YAY for the great beta number Jaymee! I'm elated! I'll be stalking your blog on Monday for the next beta. Woohoo!!!!!

Kate said...

Congrats on your fantastic beta!
And good for you for standing up for yourself, your husband and Sabrina. Hope they were able to refreeze the other little embryo so that it can potentially become a sibling sometime down the road when you're ready to try for a second.
I can believe that they were jerks and pushy trying to get their own way, but man did that sound nasty. If all goes well, hopefully you'll be able to laugh about the scene in 9 months time!

bumpfairy said...

TODAY is BETA day!! Come on baby! Big numbers! No Whammies!


I'm hoping for 148....

bumpfairy said...

TODAY is BETA day!! Come on baby! Big numbers! No Whammies!


I'm hoping for 148....

Mama-Beans said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jill said...

That is just aweful and I hope you are going to complain about the treatment you received. How uncalled for! I'm mad for you - what a jackass that doctor is.

So happy at that beta though! Woohoo!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your beta today! Waiting for an update from you and hoping for good news.

Patty