Tuesday, February 23, 2010

a member of the tribe.

We infertiles often talk about the people who give us the stupid comments or insensitive remarks because those hurt. The people who go through this journey right beside us, we often overlooked. Without two women being willing to go through infertility treatments for me I would not be becoming a mother. Neither of these women need to do this, they both have children of their own. It is easy to dismiss their willingness to go through all of this with thinking that they are just in this for the money, but anyone who has gone through this will tell you that no amount of money in the world would be worth volunteering to play the role of an infertile. These women join our tribe for a myriad of different reasons, what really matters though is that they are there. They show up and take on our pain as if it was there own, carry our hopes and dreams, and they do it voluntarily. For all the stupid comments we get, they get just as many. No matter how many times I see this happen I will always stand in awe that these women show up and voluntarily join our tribe.

In May of this year, a voluntary member of our tribe was diagnosed with breast cancer while she was carrying a beautiful little girl for an infertile couple. At that moment, she became part of a tribe no one wants to join. Nikki was a month away from her 32nd birthday when she found the lump that would forever change her life. Instead of giving birth early, she put off her treatment until the baby was safely born. Over the past eight months, she has gone through a double mastectomy, chemo, and radiation with an amazing amount of grace that often leaves me breathless.

I have lost people I loved to cancer, watched others battle and win. All the time I knew that anyone could get cancer, but it had never happened to anyone my age. Nikki's diagnosis was a real wake up call for me. I have always done self exams, but it was just something that I never thought about happening, it was more of a baseline thing. Sadly, breast cancer does not care how old you are it comes whenever it feels like it and the destruction is horrifying.

Please join me in joining Nikki's tribe, by clicking the button in the right upper corner. She willingly joined ours, the one that we were dragged into kicking and screaming. Sometimes, just knowing that there are others in your corner can heal more than any medicine. If you can get yourself a piece of jewelry, it is pretty and 100% of the money goes directly to Nikki. We all know how expensive medical treatment can get, even with insurance coverage. I have verified that Nikki does get all the money, and I love my necklace. This is something that I rarely do here, but this is someone who has stood by me on this journey and this is a way that I can support her.

12 comments:

jenicini said...

So sad. Thanks for posting this.

Saige said...

Holy cow. What an amazing woman. My heart completely goes out to her.

Kristin said...

Thank you so much for posting this.

Lin said...

Beautiful post. Thank you for posting it. My thoughts and prayers are with Nikki!

ICLW

Anna C said...

beautiful post! thank God for people like Nikki.

Meg. said...

Nikki is such a warrior. Her strength gives me chills.

Ernie said...

Thank you for posting this. It is a wonderful and enlightening post.

jnbjourney said...

I found your blog under the infertility section of blog her. i am one of those women and my husband and i are still struggling as we wait for the baby God is preparing for us to adopt (I lost the battle with PCOS as well as other things).

The point of my comment is not about our similarities, but to give you hope to pass along. My husband was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma (stage 3) at 28. He fought and won the battle. He is going on 2 years cancer free next month. It is a hard road, but it is one that can be beat. I will definitely be praying for her.

Dana said...

Wow what a blessing she is!

ICLW

TABI said...

Congrats on your wonderful Cletus! Also, I absolutely agree with you on this posting! I am in awe of the two women who helped me and you are so right to point out that they join our tribe voluntarily. I can't even believe I have my baby girl finally and it's all thanks to them. My heart goes out to Nikki in her battle and her amazing story. Thanks for raising awareness about her!

MyLifeMyWorld & Growing Families said...

"but anyone who has gone through this will tell you that no amount of money in the world would be worth volunteering to play the role of an infertile. These women join our tribe for a myriad of different reasons, what really matters though is that they are there. They show up and take on our pain as if it was there own, carry our hopes and dreams, and they do it voluntarily. For all the stupid comments we get, they get just as many."

Thank you so much for this...it's nice to have an Intended Mom actually 'get it' and defend us surrogates too. I will pray for Nikki as she goes through this...cancer is horrible, I hope she has a full recovery soon.

Katie said...

I saw your post on blogher and was interested in your 'journey'. Thank you for sharing and posting...I look forward to reading your blog.
http://myinfertilitydiaries.blogspot.com/