Tuesday, September 9, 2008

100 things

  1. I will never give up the quest to become a mother
  2. I am still afraid of the dark
  3. I am constantly fighting off depression
  4. I believe that only 4 people in the world truly love me
  5. I feel so lucky that I have a whole 4 people who love me
  6. When sick or in pain I still want my mother
  7. My husband really is my best friend
  8. I hate my body
  9. I am angry that my body betrayed me
  10. I am sick of surviving my life
  11. I am trying to just be happy in the moment
  12. I feel guilty that I have so much and still want more
  13. I have a learning disability
  14. It has taken me almost 17 years to finish college
  15. I feel like an amalgamation of disabilities and disorders
  16. I have never felt "good enough"
  17. I still hate my 4th grade teacher
  18. I have only lived alone for two weeks of my life
  19. I am terrified of being alone
  20. I try very hard to keep everyone in my life happy
  21. I am afraid of getting yelled at
  22. I do not know how to argue
  23. I hate stereotypes
  24. I try to treat everyone as an individual
  25. There are books I still have not read because I was assigned them in school
  26. I am afraid that one day someone if going to discover that I am just winging this
  27. I really love my 1000 thread count sheets, even though they are snobby
  28. I am terrified of rodents
  29. I hate shaving my legs
  30. Christmas is my favorite holiday
  31. I am adopted
  32. I am fatter now than I have ever been in my life
  33. I sent myself to Weight Loss Camp when I was 12
  34. I had an imaginary friend named Fruity
  35. My fears stand in my way more than I want to admit
  36. I want to skydive
  37. I love my camera
  38. Taking the photographs helps keep me separate from situations that make me nervous
  39. I am not sure who I really am
  40. I miss my nose ring
  41. Daisies are my favorite flower
  42. I read to put myself to sleep
  43. I had the first cavity of my life filled today
  44. I took my braces off with a spoon when I was 16
  45. I miss my Beetle
  46. I do not feel safe in the dark until my back is on the bed
  47. #46 started because of The Brady Bunch episode about Jesse James
  48. The shower scene from Psycho still scares me even though the last time I saw it I was 5
  49. My favorite TV show as a kid was Little House on the Prairie
  50. I often feeling intellectually inferior
  51. I hate being scared
  52. I do not understand why people like horror movies
  53. It still amazes me that my husband married me
  54. I am addicted to toiletries
  55. I get nervous when I am down to my last 3 bottles of shampoo, conditioner, etc.
  56. I gave up cigarettes
  57. I love Diet Dr. Pepper
  58. I do not drink alcohol
  59. I have a scar over my right eyebrow from an accident at my 2nd grade back to school party
  60. I had a pony named Scout when I was a kid
  61. My first intercontinental trip was to Kenya
  62. I love to swim
  63. I learned to scuba dive when I was 12
  64. I went to boarding school when I was 13
  65. I have taken two cross country trips in a van full of other teens
  66. I got my high school biology credit in the Florida Keys
  67. My favorite place that I have lived is Oregon
  68. I have lived in 6 states
  69. I have been to 7 different colleges
  70. I hate moving
  71. I have never climbed a tree
  72. I have a turtle collection
  73. I do not like Sushi
  74. I can kill plants just by looking at them
  75. I got my first driver's license when I was 19
  76. I had my first e-mail address in 1995
  77. I still wish on shooting stars
  78. I got my ears pierced when I was 2
  79. I have 2 cats and wish I had a dog
  80. My nana served me breakfast in bed every Saturday morning of my childhood
  81. I am named after my maternal grandparents
  82. My parents video taped most of my childhood and I love them for it
  83. I was a very lonely child
  84. My eyes look like snake skins
  85. I used to cry very easily
  86. Sometimes I worry I do not cry enough anymore
  87. I never look in other people's medicine cabinets
  88. Some day I want to live in an Earthship
  89. My own medical issues do not scare me as much as they should
  90. I love shoes, but only wear 1 pair the majority of the time
  91. There are way too many people I miss
  92. It is easy to make me laugh
  93. It is hard to make me mad
  94. I got my first stretch mark when I was 10
  95. My middle toe is the smallest toe on my foot
  96. I have always wanted to learn to blow glass
  97. I wish I was artistic
  98. I never went to public school
  99. I love roller coasters

I still believe that my wishes will come true


Silver said...

I believe that your wishes will come true too!

Take care

Cyn said...

What an incredibly brave and honest post. There are many of them that I can relate to, you are not alone in many of your feelings and fears. It's amazing that you've been able to pinpoint them and the reasons behind them.