Saturday, October 24, 2009

Joining the Tribe

We infertiles often talk about the people who give us the stupid comments or insensitive remarks because those hurt. The people who go through this journey right beside us, we often overlooked. Without two women being willing to go through infertility treatments for me I would not be becoming a mother. Neither of these women need to do this, they both have children of their own. It is easy to dismiss their willingness to go through all of this with thinking that they are just in this for the money, but anyone who has gone through this will tell you that no amount of money in the world would be worth volunteering to play the role of an infertile. These women join our tribe for a myriad of different reasons, what really matters though is that they are there. They show up and take on our pain as if it was there own, carry our hopes and dreams, and they do it voluntarily. For all the stupid comments we get, they get just as many. No matter how many times I see this happen I will always stand in awe that these women show up and voluntarily join our tribe.

In May of this year, a voluntary member of our tribe was diagnosed with breast cancer while she was carrying a beautiful little girl for an infertile couple. At that moment, she became part of a tribe no one wants to join. Nikki was a month away from her 32nd birthday when she found the lump that would forever change her life. Over the past five months, she has gone through a double mastectomy and chemo with an amazing amount of grace that often leaves me breathless.

I have lost people I loved to cancer, watched others battle and win. All the time I knew that anyone could get cancer, but it had never happened to anyone my age. Nikki's diagnosis was a real wake up call for me. I have always done self exams, but it was just something that I never thought about happening, it was more of a baseline thing. Sadly, breast cancer does not care how old you are it comes whenever it feels like it and the destruction is horrifying.

Please join me in joining Nikki's tribe. She willingly joined ours, the one that we were dragged into kicking and screaming. Sometimes, just knowing that there are others in your corner can heal more than any medicine.


Amani said...

Jaymee, as usual you are amazing. I will join Nikki's tribe.

I am privileged to know, online at least.


Amani said...

"you" I meant

Lisa RM said...

Beautiful, Jaymee.

Nicole said...

I couldn't have said it better, Jaymee.

Mama-Beans said...

Well said!

Saige said...

I too am amazed at the love surrogates and egg donors show. You're right, it can't just be about the money. They have to go through so much to get the eggs and carry the babies. It isn't impersonal.

I am so sorry for Nikki. BC is a very hard thing to deal with. My mom recenlty fought it and overcame. It is hard when it touches someone you know and care about.