Wednesday, August 27, 2008

lessons learned from surrogacy and infertility

While I was writing our profile, I had to go back through our entire history of infertility. Of course this was painful, but it was also a great learning experience. So I thought today I would chronicle what infertility has taught me.

1. Sitting in the floor and crying gets you nowhere.

2. It is better to hug your friend in pain than give them "advice", the hug can help to heal, the "advice" not so helpful.

3. I am sooo much stronger than I ever believed.

4. Wanting something, even deserving something, does not mean that you are going to get that thing.

5. Broken hearts do not stop beating.

6. Making dreams come true, sometimes means redefining the dream.

7. I should have payed much more attention in biology.

8. I know my body better than anyone, and no doctor can ever tell me any differently.

9. Murphy's Law is real and should be respected.

10. The moment you give up, you end all hope.

11. It can always get worse.

12. It will get better.

13. Puppies, while amazing and having wonderful puppy breath, ARE NOT a substitute for children.

14. Deciding to change course is not the same as giving up.

15. Carrying and giving birth to a child does not make you a woman, and not being able to do so does not make you less of a woman.

16. Armadillos have the right idea, grow a tough skin.

17. True happiness is found in the moment, not in those things yet to be attained.

18. Never underestimate the capacity of the human heart.

19. You are the only person who will look out for your own best interest.

20. Life does not stop just because I am running down a dream.

21. Men experience this just as much as women.

22. Modesty and embarrassment go away very quickly.

23. Every bit of happiness is precious.

24. Finding the humor in the situation is essential for dealing with the pain.

25. Laying in bed gets you nowhere.

26. Sometimes just putting your feet on the ground and one in front of the other, is enough.

27. There are times when rolling up the windows and screaming over the radio, really does make you feel better.

28. Stepping outside my own life and doing for others helps more than I ever thought it would.

29. Bring your own book to the doctor's office, they never have anything to read.

30. Fear is an emotion that will stop all progress.

31. Nothing is as scary as I think it will be.

32. My limit is never where I thought it was.

33. There will always be someone who has been through more than me.

34. At times I just need a break and taking that break can make all the difference.

35. Plans rarely work out the way I think they will.


Intending To Be Parents said...

This is a fantastic list and I have learned many of these same lessons myself!

Karen said...

Those are worthwhile lessons, and you'll be a stronger, wiser parent because of them.
Although I'm sure you would rather have been able to live in ignorant bliss. #4, 5, and 6 spoke to me. I remember raging against the unfairness of it all, thinking I couldn't possibly hurt anymore and live, and accepting that pregnancy isn't in my future but parenthood could still be. Thanks for sharing your list.

Silver said...

I think you have it all covered!

I eventually got to add this one to my list and hope you get to add something wonderful soon.

- The long painful wait to become a parent has made me a better parent than I think I would have been if I hadn't have fought so hard for a child.

Take care and all the best

Nit said...

having just finished our first unsuccessful IVF cycle...this list really hits home!
I agree 110% :)

Christy said...

This is a great list! When reading it I felt like you were in my head.......really get out of my head

Marie said...

This post is the best on fertility that I have EVER read!

Ophelia said...

I totally agree with #13! DH and I just got a puppy and everyone seems to think he fills the void in my heart... Um... no...