Thursday, May 21, 2009

Growing By Four

This post is long overdue because I have just had a hard time getting it to sound right. I am so happy, which is not something that I am entirely used to feeling.

Meeting Sabrina and her family was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. When we first started this adventure, we had every intention of treating our surrogate well, sending some updates, but other than that we really did not want to have a big relationship. Not that we wanted to be cold, but we just felt like we needed to have our family to ourselves and with all the problems we have had there was a need to insulate ourselves. After all the time that I have spent reading stories of relationships like this I knew that this was no longer what we wanted. It was a dishonor to our child and their life-story to have this kind of relationship with the person that played such an important role in bringing them into the world.

This weekend cemented our commitment to make this a lifelong relationship. I must confess that this is for purely selfish reasons on our part. The whole weekend was like being with people that we had known all our lives, and now they are stuck with us. I cannot imagine not having this entire family be apart of our child's life because they will enrich it in so many ways.

As we were on the way back to the hotel, exhausted from spending the day at the zoo Joe-Bob said it perfectly. "You realize that our family just grew by four."

It makes me sad to think that there was a time when I was in a space that would have made this relationship impossible. On an intellectual level, it makes sense to protect yourself, your heart, and your family from everyone when it has been such a long road. In reality, a family can never have too many people who love them and care for them. This world is not always a nice place and the more people you have who love you the better life becomes. We could not have custom ordered better people to share this experience with, and I am so grateful that this worked out so well for us.

So many times we hear the tragic stories of surrogacy, and sadly I think that some people do not pursue this avenue because of these stories. I know that is scared me to death. Over the past few years I have chipped away at a lot of the fear and the mysteries that surround surrogacy. Meeting Sabrina and her family laid any reservation we ever had to rest.

10 comments:

bumpfairy said...

Well Crap. A person just can't give a decent hug through the computer.

(((hug)))

and one for Joe-Bob

(hug)

It's tinier because he could squash me.

Cyn said...

This is just SO wonderful to read, for you specifically and for surrogacy in general.
When the correct match is made it really can make everything different, better in so many ways!

emilythehopeless said...

awww! i'm so happy for you guys! :D

Gabby said...

that is a beautiful post. i am so, so excited for you..

sabrina is certainly an angel, but it is you that is the star - you are going to be an amazing mom!

Kristin said...

You sound so happy and content. That is wonderful. I Have a few special people who aren't related by blood but whom I consider family anyway. That relationship is priceless.

Beautiful Mess said...

You gave me the chills. You're relationship sounds so beautiful and amazing. I'm glad your reservations were put to rest! Did you enjoy our beautiful state? You had nice weather, too!
*HUGS*

Sonja said...

I'm glad I came across your blog on the ICLW list! I will be following it :-) *hugs*

tireegal68 said...

Hapypy ICLW!
Your story is amazing!
So I guess that means you are having twins if your family is going to get bigger by four?
Cool!
It's funny how we can get to these places we never thought we would get to, isnt' it?
Here we are planning and hoping to use donor eggs and donor sperm and I never thought I would do that.
I am kind of sorry I won't get to meet either donor. It could be a whole new dimension. Good luck - glad you are so happy!

Liddy said...

That was a great post that gave me the chills. I wish you the best.

Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
No. 125: The Unfair Struggle (male-factor, big remodel, friends)

Lisa RM said...

Four?! Honey, Your "family" is growing by leaps and bounds! You just have that kind of charm. We're all here rooting for you, and just waiting to watch this wonderful story unfold. If there's a four in the number of your family right now, it's followed by plenty of other numbers as well. And no decimal points! (cats and dogs don't follow your blog much, I'm sorry to say)