Monday, May 4, 2009

A Year in Blogland

A year ago, today I started writing here, in the hopes that this would just be a place where I could vent and chronicle this journey for myself. I never really thought that anyone besides the people that I knew in person, okay my mom, would ever read what I had to say. Over this year though so much has changed, more than I ever imagined. The people that I have met and the stories that I have been privy to are so amazing that I have no words to describe how I feel about them. On the days when I think that there is no more that I can take, when this journey just becomes overwhelming I come here and all of you show up and find healing. The healing comes from every comment, every view, and every other story that all of you allow me into. There are the times when this journey actually goes right, when I cannot wait to come here and share the news, and you all show up and celebrate with me. Infertile is not a title anyone of us wanted, and this is not the club that we want to belong to and this makes the support even greater. The fact that so many people in the world can show up and support each other through something that is often horrendous, will never cease to amaze me. So, I am going to use this post to thank all of you, if I forget anyone it is not because I do not care, it is just my little brain gets overwhelmed.

Amanda, this would have never started without you. It was because of you that I had the courage to come out and tell this story. You are an amazing friend, I could never be able to articulate the ways you have made me a better person.

Mel, all of us infertiles owe you a debt of gratitude that I cannot begin to comprehend, thank you for bringing us all together and making me so much less lonely. I will never be able to put into words what you have done for me.

Sabrina, what can I say? You found me at my lowest, when I was ready to give up. You took a chance and let me into a group that has saved me more times than I can count. That would have been enough, just to have you next to me while I walked this path. The fact that you will be carrying our child still astounds me. Thank you is too minute a word.

Emily, my hopeless Emily, you have given so much hope. You have let me into your life in a way that I could have never imagined. Your strength is infectious, and I could have not gotten through this last year without you.

Amani, you are constantly amazing me and have taught me so much about overcoming what feels like insurmountable problems. The way that you are able to take a situation that would break others and use it to change the world so that others may realize their dreams, is awe-inspiring.

Allison, I could not ask for a better cheerleader. Even when you are working so hard with your own journey, you have always been there to encourage me.

Meredith, your writing takes my breath away, your talent as a photographer inspires me. Sharing your journey over the past year has given me the ability to open up here and learn that fear will get me nowhere.

Momsoon, thank you for making this world of surrogacy feel much less lonely.

Duck, you handle all of this with a grace that I can only hope to have. Thank you for teaching me that surrogacy is truly as beautiful as I imagine.

Daniele, you are always there to comment and support me even when things are not going well for you. Just reading your beautiful writing has given me the ability to heal more than you will ever know.

Cara, you give me the strength to face the days that I feel like will finally cripple me. The Bear and The Comedian keeps reaffirming that I am working towards what I really want.

Mrs. French thank you for the beauty you bring into my darkest days, and all the shopping you make me want to do.

Kristen, your constant comments make me want to keep doing this.

Corine, the humor and beauty you bring into my life is so important. It is also her birthday today (hint, hint, wink, wink)

Yolanda, you are my self-esteem coach. You do not blog nearly enough, I only say this because I miss you. Thank you for the amazing amount of support that you have given me, it mean more than you will ever know.

Lisa, you are my geeky comedian and the person that is never afraid to say what is on her mind. Thank you for the friendship and the smartass comments.

Cyn, you just amaze me.

Anonymous, who commented yesterday. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime.

To all of you, who I may have forgotten, thank you. All of you really mean the world to me. I never thought that this community would give me so much. It is hard to feel like I take so much more than I will ever give, but I am trying. Please go read some of these amazing women, I promise your life will change.

I look forward to being with all of you in the next year. To share all the moments that makes our lives and our world a little better.


Beautiful Mess said...

I stared tearing up when I got to Sabrina and then lost it when i got to my name. I did not expect that at all! Thank you so much for your kind words. If my writing has helped you heal, then I'm am more grateful then i can ever out into words! You are a beautiful, amazing woman and I am honored to call you a friend.
Happy blogerversary. I can't wait to see how this year unfolds.

emilythehopeless said...

aww you are so sweet! i am so lucky to know you.. and soon to REALLY know you!! happy blogoversary!!

Cyn said...

It is you who is amazing! Your honesty is awe inspiring and I'm so thankful that you are so willing to open up, to really let me know how you're feeling.
I'm a little surprised it's only been a year-you blog with authority and I would've assumed you've been at it for much longer!

Keep at it!

Kristin said...

Aaaw sweetie...thank you so much. I haven't been following over here that long and honestly didn't expect to see my name.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.

Allison said...

Aww, Jaymee......I am your biggest cheerleader. You are SO worthy of being a mommy. And I can't wait till it happens. I truly can't even remember how I stumbled across your blog, but when I saw it and started reading, I thought, I have got to e-mail her because we're in the same far as being IM's. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I sent that e-mail.

Thanks for allowing me into your world.....don't ever forget that we all care about you and are here supporting you all the way :)

corine said...

When I went though my own ordeal, I wished so much that blogging had existed. The only people around me were listening to me politely while cranking up baby after baby (19 were born within my circle of friends and family in the six years I was trying to get one, but who's counting :-)
Blogging is something else, isn;t it? The kindness, and even the simple interest of strangers has transformed my life. daily, it feeds me strength, inspiration, and faith in the human race. So cheers to you, thank you for your kind words and happy bloggiversary!

Amanda said...

you are so brave and beautiful, jaymee. i cant wait to see you and matt again, and to meet your baby. im amazed that its been a year- it seems that you have been blogging forever. it suits you. im so glad youre doing it. keep up the good fight, mama! love you.

The Swann's said...

Here from LFCA...

I wish I could offer you congrats to your one year blog-anniversary with the joys of congratulating you on your beautiful child(ren). Unfortunately, this joruney is longer from some than others... I too understand how freeing blogging is. If someone doesn't want to hear/read what I'm going thu, they do not look at my blog. If they choose to be "in the know", they read up and ask questions. I share my life becuase of so many, just as you listed, shared their lives as well. It is how we, Infertiles, get thru each and every failed cycle... Each and every attempt that did not work to make us mommies. I hope and pray that you are able to celebrate your second blog-anniversary with the joys mommyhood under your belt as well!


Gabby said...

happy blogoversary - you are an incredible writer and an incredible woman - i don't even know these people, but i'm bawling reading it. i am so excited for your journey with sabrina.. i can't wait to keep reading about it!

Yolanda (the callipygian chronicle) said...

I am sorry it has taken me so long to come here and thank you for your kind words. I read them mere minutes after they were published, but I was just too humbled and flabbergasted to know what to say in return. Thank you for coming to this space for an entire year, and for continuing to share this bumpy journey with us. And thank you for being the kind of person who doesn't hesitate to give back. Kind words on a screen to a virtual stranger are great gifts indeed.

Lisa RM said...

You made me cry. In return I shall crush you with sobbing hugs. Thank you for sharing this wonderful journey with all of us.

meredithwinn said...

thank you. this journey wouldn't be nearly as beautiful without friends.