Thursday, May 21, 2009

Where I was, where I am

As many of you are new here, I thought this would be a good time to give a bit of a re-cap.

At age 12, I was diagnosed with a bleeding disorder, von Willebrands disease. This diagnosis was made after I had my period for over 2 months and 3 birth control pills a day were not helping.

At age 20, I was diagnosed with PCOS.

Combine these two disorders, and you have a recipe for disaster in the menstruation department. For almost 20 years, I battled month's long periods, the longest being 6 months and 3.5 weeks. As you can imagine that gets really old really fast. There is not a hormone made that I have not taken, and not one of them worked for longer than a few months.

At 31, I had decided that I could no longer live like that. There was no way that I would ever be able to raise a child when I was wiped out half the time. I opted for an endometrial ablation, kind of like cauterizing your nose only with your uterus. As bad as I was suffering this was a decision that took me almost four years to make.

As an adopted child, with amazingly wonderful parents (HI MOM!!) I have understood for a long time that biology has nothing to do with making a family. My husband (Joe-Bob, which is not his real name) decided that my comfort and health trumped having a child. After the surgery, I began to research the best way to create our family. My main motivation for surrogacy was that I did not want to deprive my husband the chance to have his biological child, not that he ever said that this was important to him, but because I felt so much guilt about not being able to give him this child. He is the love of my life, we have been through hell and back together and I would walk through fire for him.

For over a year, I researched surrogacy as if someone had a gun to my head. We went to an agency thinking that this would be the best way for us to have a great experience. It turned out that we were very wrong, there were many hurt feelings and we almost just gave up. I began this blog because there was so little information from the prospective of the intended parent. My pain and hurt was so deep that there were days when I was unable to think about children, which meant that I spent a lot of time at home staring at the walls. I have always been prone to depression, and spent all of my teen years in such a deep depression that I forgot what it was like to be happy. Thankfully, I came out of this until I thought that all hope of ever having an infant was gone. All those feelings came back and I was scared out of my mind, this was a road that I had been down before and I knew where all the sinkholes were. I was standing right on the edge when I wrote this post. Little did I know that it would bring an amazing woman into my life, Sabrina has been just amazing. She e-mailed me and brought me into a support group that honestly saved my life, and gave me hope that I would become a mother. Months later, Sabrina agreed to be our surrogate, this amazing woman was going to help us create our family, to this day I only half believe how lucky we are.

Here we are.

  • Our contracts are signed.
  • We have our first clinic appointment.
  • We are waiting on the genetic testing to see if we can do PGD on the embies, so that I can use my own eggs.
  • Sometime in August or September, we should be transferring.
  • We are just transferring ONE, because the idea of two at a time makes me want to hide in my closet.

Please feel free to ask me anything that you want. I LOVE questions, almost as much as I love comments. No question is stupid, I understand that this is something that most people do not know a lot about.



Leah said...

I wanted to delurk on such a welcoming post - I've been following you for a little while and am barracking for you! I hope the upcoming months flow as easily as possible.

Rhonda and Gerry W said...

Much Congratulations on your adventure! You SO deserve this Jaymee.

Kristin said...

Great summary Jayme. I am hoping and praying you guys have success the first cycle out.

Cyn said...

A great recap!
August or September? You really are going to do this!! That's so soon!

emilythehopeless said...

oh sweetie! you've been through so much! i've got everything crossed for you that it all goes smoothly from now on!! i'm so excited to watch it all unfold :)

Jendeis said...

Thanks so much for visiting my blog!

Am so happy that things seem to be moving forward in your family-building journey. Hoping and praying that everything works out.

caitsmom said...

Thanks for the recap. I wish you the best and hope your dreams hatch at long last. Peace.


Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm so routing for you!!!! You have the same perspective as I do on being as out in the open as possible with all this stuff. I find it incredibly freeing to live that way...we should not have to hide our heads because of our 'disease'. I have had two friends offer to be a surrogate for me. Are they really serious? I have no idea...but I took it as a wondefully generous offer. GL with upcoming cycle!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jayme!

My name's Megan, and I've been silently following your blog for the past 3 months (hello!).

What do I have in common with you? Well, like you, my only chance at having a biological child is though surrogacy.

I was born with a rare condition called MRKH, in which I have functioning ovaries, but absent uterus/cervix/fallopian tubes (bizarre, right?).

I'm engaged to be married to an angel of a man in October of this year, and then, after the honeymoon, we've both agreed to jump head-first into the egg retrieval process (I'm 29, and aint gettin' any younger!). We're hoping to have CGH testing performed on any and all embryos we're able to create (crossing fingers), and then have them vitrified. From there, our plan involves saving like mad for a surrogate, and then moving on to a FET.

8 months ago, my best friend offered to be my surrogate. Fast forward to today, she and her husband are expecting their first child in June. She hasn't seemed to enjoy her pregnancy very much and generally seems overwhelmed by the whole process, so I'm not holding out hope that the surrogacy offer is still on the table. You're so lucky to have Sabrina in your life! What an awesome woman.

Anyway, long story short, I'm rooting for you and your DH! You're truly an inspiration to well as a teacher! I hope to start a blog of my own once I'm officially on the IVF bandwagon. =)

Would you mind sending me the link to the support group for IPs that Sabrina sent you? My email:

I can't wait for your transfer!

- Meg

Beautiful Mess said...

"Sabrina agreed to be our surrogate, this amazing woman was going to help us create our family, to this day I only half believe how lucky we are" that gave me chills! I'm SO glad all four of you found each other. I can't wait to see you hold your baby!
PS Happy ICLW!

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

What an amazing story!

THRILLED for you and your DH that you have found Sabrina. SO pleased that you and she have an open relationship---how wonderful.

Best wishes to all of you!


WiseGuy said...

Dear Jaymee, you have had such a hard and long touched me deeply...can you believe that I talked of how irritating 13 days of sanitary protection is? Reading your story, I think there are people who are suffering hell as compared to my tale!

Good Luck with your surrogacy adventure...the blogosphere has got me connected to a lot of patient listeners, to say the least...

Good Luck!


corine said...

Rooting for you every step of the way and from the bottom of my heart.

~Jess said...

Good luck! I hope the one works for you guys!

Thank you for your comment on my blog.


Anonymous said...

I'm so thrilled that you have found a wonderful woman who not only helped you find a support group but is going to be your surrogate!

I hope everything goes smoothly for you from here and can't wait to follow along and see how it all goes

tomi said...

Hi, and thanks for stopping by.

We had considered surrogacy, but unfortunately it is still not quite legal in Australia.

Good luck with everything *hugs*


BB said...

Thanks for stopping by! I want to wish you all the very best with your surrogacy journey.


Lavender Luz said...

Congrats and best wishes, Jaymee!


MAK-now said...

Hi there,

I just wanted to say that anyone who goes through the fire the way you ahve, sooo deserves to be a mommy. There are far too many women out there who don't want, let alone appreciate, the blessing a child can be in their lives. You are a trooper & I'm pulling for you! Good luck & keep us posted!

p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog!


Rebecca said...

I just wanted to stop by and say HI, and thank you for the comment on my blog. All the support and prayers we can get is so helpful. I am also letting you know that I am very interested in following your journey, and as soon as I can devote the time it deserves, I will be reading your blog from the start.
Good luck on your surrogacy journey. :)