Monday, July 6, 2009

Whack-A-Mole

The depression is getting better, I am still taking Chantix but it is working so I am okay with feeling a little down from time to time. I finally finished painting the kitchen and got my awesome retro table moved in so now we can actually have people over to eat. My next challenge is getting all the junk in our guest room organized, but I think that may take a crew of people to get done. Are we the only people whose stuff seems to multiply all by itself? I swear we have bought very little since we moved and we are outgrowing this house already. Thankfully, there is a huge attic and most of this stuff will be going up there to live.

Of course, once you get one problem under control another one pops up. Yes, my life really is a game of Whack-A-Mole. I may have found myself in a situation where the answer is obvious, but not at all easy. Since we are scheduled to cycle in September (doing back flips) I am going to have a major problem with school. While we are cycling I have to be in Dallas for monitoring, but school is in Alabama. Monitoring could take up to and most likely will be two plus weeks, thank you PCOS. Then there is being there for the transfer, another three to four days. The nurse coordinator actually asked if I was going to be there for the transfer. First, it never occurred to me that it was optional. Second, nothing in this world could keep me away. I may not be the one carrying or giving birth, but I am going to be there for the conception or at least the part they will let me be there for. Are there really people who are not there for the transfer? That question just really bothered me for some reason.

As you can imagine this is not going to go over well with the graduate school thing. In one way this is the easiest decision ever, in another it is difficult to make the only choice that I have. Baby making beats out school every time. I know that school will still be there and I can always go back, but I do not know that I will. It took me sixteen years to finish college and that was not the experience that I wanted in graduate school. Part of getting this degree is having something to keep me busy while we are waiting to be parents, but another part of this, the bigger part, is completing a degree that means a lot to me. Granted, I do not intend to use this degree for a couple of years after the baby is born, but that is not the point. This is not a degree that will be easy for me to attain, doing it as a mother is going to mean a lot more sacrifice than I feel prepared for at this point. Maybe this will all be for naught, it is still possible that I can work something out, but I am really thinking that it will not.

On another note, thank you all so much for the support after my last post. It really meant the world to me, and helped more than I can ever express.

9 comments:

Meg. said...

This is such a difficult place to be in. Like you said, the choice is obvious....but that doesn't make it easy or less stressful.

I'm sure you've probably already looked into this, but is it possible for you to communicate with your professors and receive course work via email during the few weeks you're away? Could you operate as if you're taking some sort of satellite course?

I understand how important your education is to you, as it should be. Throughout your life, you will be more than a mother (as you already are!), and I think it's crucial to pursue a career that enriches your days. Again, I *know* you know this.

Basically, I don't have a solution, but I sympathize with you. =) And I sincerely hope you find a way to fit both of your life dreams (your new degree and your new baby) snugly in the same basket.

Amani said...

Jaymee, that's life. We're playing whack-a-mole too. Things crop up, that you don't expect, but have to deal with.

I am relieved to hear your depression has abated somewhat. you sound so much better.

Love and hugs from Australia xxx

Cyn said...

I'll agree that you definitely sound better, which is great to hear!

And yes, there are people that don't come for the transfer. I've transferred 3 times with the same family. The first transfer both mom & dad were there. The second transfer was a frozen and neither of them came (which I was ok with, they had the other 2 to take care of, plus I'd prefer them to be here for other things during the pregnancy rather than the transfer). The 3rd time they both came prior to the transfer, but dad returned home after doing his 'job', to be with the kids.

Really in the scheme of the 'whole' process, the transfer was/is not as important to me-I'd rather they make it to an ultrasound than the transfer. The doc spoke with them over the phone about quality and which embryos to transfer (via fax or e-mail? they did see the embryos somehow) prior to letting me know the game plan. I in no way felt like creating these babies was not a priority for them when they didn't come for the transfer.

I'm sure it will all work out however it's meant to be.

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. It may be an "easy" decision to make, but it still is stressful and difficult. Being there for the transfer is what's important to you.
*HUGS*

Sarah said...

I was not there for the transfer. I would have loved to have been, but I already had to be in Las Vegas at the clinic (I live in Ohio) for a week because of monitoring and my egg retrieval. Our transfer was 5 days later and I just couldn't take that much more time off work.

However, my husband was there during the transfer with our surrogate (who is a friend) and our wonderful doctor made sure to give us photos of our embryos (the 2 that were transferred) as well a photo of the embryos while they were actually being transferred! Our surrogate took a photo of these photos and sent them to me via email so I could feel like I was there, too. It was really neat.

Best of luck to you!!

emilythehopeless said...

can i strangle-the-mole?

i would want to be there too.. i'm so sorry you're in a pickle with school. sure the transfer is just that, a transfer.. anything could happen. but i know that those moments when we transferred were the closest i've ever been to being pregnant and i cherish them.

(hope we're seeing you this weekend! - but again, don't worry if you can't.. i know you have a lot going on)

Rachael said...

whack a mole is a wonderful description, I really believe things will all fall into place, esp when it is meant to be. You are an exceptional woman, and it will all go well, one way or another,

Kristin said...

I can't imagine making any other decision that what you are making but I do understand that it would be hard to make.

Btw, I love the whack-a-mole description.

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

It's a hard choice to make, sacrifices on so many ends...maybe you could talk to the school and see what they can offer?

As to if all IPs attend the transfer, I know many who do not, because of distance, or jobs or just because it's not a "big event" in the grand scheme of things. Depends on how you look at it...but not everyone does go to the tranfer part.