they paid me

i got my first check as a freelance photographer (all but saturday 2). let me just say, that this would not have been my first choice of jobs, but a check is a check.
my favorite subject has and always will be children from birth to about six; these are the only humans who you do not need to coax out of self-consciousness. my favorite pictures of those i love, are those taken when they are not aware of the camera, those are the photographs who are really them.
taking photographs, for me, is about capturing pieces of personality, nonmanufactured and real. years later, that posed smile photograph will show the outlines of a figure, a photograph of personality will trigger a thousand feelings and memories. when i used to work at a mass photo studio, all the parents wanted that perfect smile picture, because they were paying an arm and a leg for them. the whole reason i quit was because i wanted these parents to have that pouty, on the verge of tears picture, along with the sweet smile. the sweet smile will last much longer than the face they made on the verge of tears for those three months.

adventures

this is me and my papa. he died when i was 17, and there still isn't a day when i don't think about him. one of my most vivid memories of him, is watching nature shows. i hated them, and when i asked why i had to watch him, he would say, "Miss America, one day you are going to marry a doctor, and when he takes you to Africa, you need to know what you are looking at."

this is me in kenya, where my husband grew up, christmas 2004. i swear i am not usually this adventurous. my husband makes me do these things. without him there are so many adventures i would never have.

my camera

since my first photography class in 8th grade, documenting pieces of my life has been a passion. for the first time in my life i was good at something, better than others, and i was not afraid of criticism, b/c it served only to make me better. more importantly though it was a way to escape. behind the lens i have a world all my own.

as a child i was painfully shy and had so much trouble making friends, that i was clinically depressed by the time i was 12. it was my camera that allowed me to be part of a world that i felt so separated from. i still have that camera, and while film is quickly dying, i don't think that i will ever give it up, it is my oldest friend.

today my camera serves to let me capture moments in time. i feel the need to preserve even the most mundane moments of my life. eventually it will probably be what my child first calls "momma". the fact is that my camera is more than a piece of machinery, it is my escape and my lifeline.