Wednesday, May 28, 2008

are we really that rare

i've been seeking out other stories like ours. what i have found is nothing. this is not to say that out of thousands of blogs out there that i have read every one, cause i do have laundry to get done. let me preface this with, "I wholeheartedly believe that everyone should have the chance to be parents, regardless of race, creed, religion (or lack there of), and especially sexual orientation".

that said what i have found in blogworld is:
people who have a family member carrying for them
homosexual men
gestational carriers
lawyers, oh so many lawyers
agency owners

what is lacking is people who are using an agency, are the intended parents, and are heterosexual. i understand that this is something that most people want to keep private and that this subject is not easy to talk about with the world. shame is not something that i have a whole lot of, not after i have been poked, prodded, treated like a lab rat, and documented the most intimate details of my life. anyone who has been through fertility treatments knows what i am talking about.

surrogacy brings up a lot of opinions, and for some reason empowers people to voice these opinions without any manners. maybe this is why there is a reluctance to talk about this comes from. possibly it is the fact that there just are not that many people in this situation. whatever the reason, i feel that it is important to talk about this process. i am convinced that it is the closed off nature of this process that leads to all the negative feelings people have about surrogacy.

another problem with keeping everything walled off, is that it makes a lonely process that much more lonely. there are message boards for surrogates that are very active, but those for the parents are either inactive or responded to by only a few people. i have tried posting on a few of these boards and have had very little response.

i am just having one of those days, where i feel isolated. even with all the amazing people i have to support me, i feel alone in all this some days. it isn't that people don't try to understand, but it is difficult for me to explain, which makes it difficult for them to understand. this process is moving (at a snail's pace) along and we are slowly getting there, but I WANT IT NOW. i hate it when i feel like this, it makes me feel ungrateful and bratty, which i am right now. thanks for listening.