Wednesday, May 21, 2008

surrogacy update

the agency that we were so excited about turned out to not be what we were looking for. after a few months of back and forth, it was apparent that it just was not going to work. the really sad part is that when i wrote to tell them that we were not going to be able to make this work, the response was even more infuriating.

i felt that i outlined our position in a very easy to understand manner. i did this because they don't seem to understand anything over a first grade level. my main problem was being told that the director had "spent enough time on our case". for the life of me i still can not understand how they thought i would continue a business relationship with anyone who told me that they had spent enough time addressing my concerns. excuse me, but when i am the one paying the bills it is for me to say when i feel comfortable, and when they have spent enough time. then i was told that their contract was never questioned. really, no one has ever questioned your practices? they must have a mandate from god, that they didn't share with us.

surrogacy is a matter off putting trust, an incredible amount of trust, into others that they will do their jobs. i will ask a thousand questions, possibly the same one a few times, and i expect them to be answered. i am not being a bitch, i think that i am being a rational woman who is relying on others to have my child. if i was having the baby myself i would be asking questions. okay enough of this rant.

truly i am so lucky that there are people in this world who are willing to do this for me, and other couples. to anyone who has been a surrogate, donated an egg, or even thought of either one, THANK YOU!!!!!!!! there is nothing more noble, giving, or loving that i can think of in this world. if it had been possible for me to do this for someone else, i would have. as an adopted child i know first hand that giving people the chance to be parents, is the single greatest gift.

my husband and i have debated how to start our family for years. at one point we thought about me carrying, but that just became impossible. my medical issues just got so bad that i had no quality of life. it finally got to the point where i knew that once i became a mother i would not have the energy to enjoy all the amazing experiences. then we toyed with adoption, but i just could not go through the heartbreak if it did not work out. plus i wanted my husband to be able to have his own child. he has super genetics and the world should not be denied (this is my opinion only, he would die of embarrassment if he reads this {hun, if you are reading this BREATH}).

another major reason that surrogacy was right for us, is that i want to be my child's mother from the first minute he/she breaths air. i can't explain why this is important, not because i don't know, but because there just are not words to explain. that is the problem with writing about this process, so much of it is emotion, and very little is intellectual.

the problem with this is that you have to make so many decisions that emotions should be kept away from. there are all the legalities and priorities have to be made. no matter how badly i want this, i first have to protect myself legally as well as emotionally. which is so much easier said than done, when i have those days that a diaper comercial leads to hours of tears. thankfully i have my parents and husband who seem to be able to think straight when i can't. i just feel sorry for those who do not.