Thursday, May 8, 2008

legalities suck

i want to lay in the floor and throw a temper tantrum until i get my way. even though this has never worked, i am thinking that something might have changed in the past thirty years since i tried it last. going into this i knew that there were going to be days like this, but i didn't expect them so early. i understand that part of this is strictly a business arrangement, but my heart just isn't getting it. my heart wants a baby and it doesn't seem to care that a bunch of lawyers are squabbling over the definition of "reasonable". Could someone send these people a dictionary?
maybe if they had to endure this for one moment, to walk around this world with an empty place in their hearts, and then have to be completely reliant on others to fill. maybe then they would understand that this isn't a situation where they need to add onto this pain. yes there are legal issues that need to be considered, and everyone needs to be protected, but this is having a baby. having babies come with all kinds of surprises, and this just doesn't fit into nice little boxes.
one day i will look back at this and none of it will matter. there will be a day when this will all be a distant memory, but right now it is here and it is ripping my guts out. i just wish i could go to sleep and wake up when it is all over.
i know that i am just going to have to pull up my big girl panties, and deal with this.