Monday, June 16, 2008

lessons learned (2)

don't forget that your life is still happening: hubby and i went to dinner last night and in the course of our conversation he told me that i have become a woman obsessed by this process. it is so easy to make having a baby the center of your universe. the leap to making it all that you are, is more of a tiny hop than a leap. i try to keep a balance in my life, and usually fail. my personality lends itself to becoming consumed by things. you know that person that calls 15 times a day, until you finally pick up? well that is me.

hubby (who will now be referred to as joebob) said that he was feeling pushed aside already. i think that this is his biggest fear, about us, when it comes to having a kid. we have a relationship that is super focused on each other, we have friends, but 90% of the time it is us focused. our lives have been held together by strings at times, but we have always had each other. so how is it that this new life is going to fit? are we going to be those people who wake up one day and realize we no longer have anything in common? not if i have anything to say about it.

so now i have to focus on us and how we are going to make this all work. becoming parents is going to turn our little corner of the world upside down, there is nothing that will change that fact. we get to do this thing together, and there is no one in the world i would rather have this adventure with. i just have to remember that this is an addition to this incredible life we have made for ourselves.

infertility takes over your life, simple fact. i know soooo many people whose relationship fell apart when faced with the reality of infertility or childlessness. to us though, this is only a minor speed bump, we have been way more battered than this little thing. i just have to remember that it is we.

all too often i think that men get lost in this process. we think that b/c they get the "easy" tests that they don't suffer right along with us. fact is that they do, they pick us up when this is overwhelming, endure hours of endless babbling, feel all the disappointment, and are there through every moment. so, i have to learn to not forget that he is there and he deserves all my attention. i couldn't go through this alone, and it just isn't fair not to acknowledge that we are going through this as a couple.

so from now on i am going to remember that there is already this amazing, wonderful person in my life. even though he wants to use the stupid name of joebob, and pulls crazy stunts in target, i wouldn't change a thing; because he is also the man who held my hair while i vomited and he can just wrap his arms around me and reduce my pain. i can't imagine my life without him, craziness and all.