Thursday, June 26, 2008

profile writing

writing a profile, urgh, i have to write a profile, what do i say? what if they hate me? what if i say something weird? what if i am just a freak, and when they read about me they go blind and deaf from the terror that was my profile? will i be charged more for that? uh, can i just write about someone else? maybe i could pull that off. no, i am not that good of an actress. wait i don't even know who i am. this is grown up stuff. adults know who they are, i am the female equivalent of peter pan.

okay, i will think of this as the getting a bunch of shots. i'll just close my eyes and get it over and done with really fast. oh, this is going to hurt, but if i just do it, it won't be that bad.

my stomach is in knots over this. we'll just get it done.

wait they want pictures too. i take the pictures. do i have any other than one or two? are those good ones? you know they are going to judge how i look.

the more i think about this, the more it feel like jr. high. those were not my best years. it is so hard to see in myself what others see. everyone tells me i am going to be a great mother, but i question that. i know that i want this more than anything, but what if i get it and i can't do all those things you are supposed to. what if i fail?

in reality this will be fine and i know that. these are just the things that go racing through my mind. these are the things i fear, that often paralyze me. this time though i can't let that happen.

i am going to go start on this profile. i'll update to let you know how it goes.


Anonymous said...

OK what I was drawn to: Someone who looked like they could laugh at themselves. Someone who looked comfortable in their skin. Someone who seemed like a person I could be buddies with. Someone I could confide my constipation to. Someone I could see holding the baby I was carrying. Someone who would let me see it.
What turned me off: Super clinical answers. Someone who wanted a business relationship. Someone who seemed stiff and unsure/unconfident in themselves and what they wanted.
What I didn't even consider: How anyone looked, how much anyone made, or where they lived.

Good luck to you. Your perfect surrogate is out there waiting for you, just "write her a letter" so she can find you, OK?

Kymberli said...

Ditto on everything Bump Fairy said. The best thing that you can do is just let the words fly and worry about things like grammar, form, and structure later. When I developed my surrogacy profile, at first it took me forever to get started because I was worried about how I would make myself look on paper. How hard it is to verbally summarize yourself! Finally I told myself to "just write" and not worry about appearance. It was so much easier to let go. My natural self came out.